Which lovemaking position gives great results? Clue: it’s familiar and comfortable. It fills you up and you can do it even if you are tired. You know how it’ll look like and how long it’ll take. And for variety, you can always add twists to your repertoire.
Experts believe the good old missionary is the best position for making love, but when asked what their favourite position is, many woman avoid saying it’s the missionary position, even if it’s really the most relaxing and pleasurable one for them, because they don’t want to perceived as boring or even submissive.
The missionary position
Think of it this way: do you look better leaning over your man, stretch marks glistening and everything drooping and jiggling – or reclining with your face turned up, lips parted expectantly and your hair flowing over a bank of pillows? The missionary position is feminine; it’s alluring and exotic. Arch your back, give him your best “come and get me” look and watch that man move.
Of all the positions, this is the most aesthetic. You don’t have to be conscious about your body because most of it is covered by his. And for women anyway – there’s no performance anxiety. This is a position everyone can do. Lying on your back is the ideal position to unwind and enjoy yourself – and then doze off. It’s perfect for the coy, the shy and the plain lazy.
No other position makes you feel so affectionate and close to your partner or is so comforting to finish in. While some women say it’s harder to achieve an orgasm in that position, others find it easier because they’re more relaxed
Basic and boring?
It’s the very simplicity of the missionary position that puts some women off. If anyone can do it, they don’t want to. Consider the facts. Face to face you can kiss, lick and bite each other (the mouth and skin are the most erogenous zones), you can watch the expressions on each other’s face (an erotic experience in itself), plus your hands are free to caress, scratch or grip him tight. It’s sexy and satisfying. Plus, in the missionary position you can affect what’s going on – if you know how.
Getting it right
Placing hard pillows under your hips can make all the difference, pelvis up for deeper penetration. Your husband can ride high or low, leaning back to watch or forward to whisper and kiss. You can straighten or spread our legs wide to give internal tension. Or, you can wrap them around his waist or put one or both over his shoulders for deeper penetration. He can hold your arms above your head, or you can grip the headboard and thrust back at him. (who said the missionary is submissive?). You can caress the base of his penis as he climaxes, or he can lean to one side so he can stimulate your clitoris.
Or if you just want deeper penetration, pull your knees up to your chest, then spread them just wide enough for him to get between them. With your calves on either side of his back, you support his weight on the back of your thighs, if you want to move, you can rock back and forth with him. The advantage of this position is that the man’s pelvic skin and the base of his penis are all in contact with your clitoris and vulva, with his testicles resting in your anus. Taking his weight in this way gives you some control. Orgasm is easier because the penetration is deeper than if your legs are straight or out to the sides.
Orgasm the easy way
If you don’t always climax during sex (and who does?), the good news is there is a way to facilitate it. But the bad news is you better start practicing those Kegel exercises. Kegel alone can aid orgasm or you can bear down, pressing your vaginal lips and clitoris towards your man’s body. Even better is to do the two together, which tightens the whole vagina. Or add some manual stimulation, sliding your hand down between yourself and your partner to reach your clitoris.
The CAT (Coital Alignment Technique) is probably the most complex variation of the missionary position you’re likely to find. But don’t let that put you off. It works for everyone, and it’s terrific once you get it right, stimulating the clitoris as well as the G-spot and encouraging simultaneous orgasms.
You start in the normal missionary position but with the man resting his full weight on you, and not on his elbows. He then has to move 5 cm forward so that his pelvis is over yours. With your legs around his thighs, press your pubic area up as he moves backwards so that your clitoris gently rubs against the base of his penis. The key is in the pressure and counter pressure, and the rhythmic coordination of movement – a slow and gentle rocking to orgasm.
“The position isn’t automatic but a small series of adjustments,” says Edward Eichel, therapist and author of The Perfect Fit (Penguin), who developed the technique. “You never just ride or collapse in this and you’re stimulated all the time. When you’re both feeling close to orgasm, you have to wait and let come close to you – there’s no grasping for it. You have to trust that it will happen.”
Edward’s study of 86 men and women, half of whom were trained to use CAT, showed a staggering increase in the number of women reaching orgasm “always or often” during intercourse – 77 percent compared to only 27 percent in the untrained group. And the rise in the number of women enjoying simultaneous orgasm was 50 percent compared to 4.5 percent.
Sex isn’t power Play
It seems that this position should be no harder for women to climax in than any other. Nerve endings are around the entrance to the vagina and in the clitoris. So any position that stimulates them will lead orgasm. The missionary really isn’t about domination and submission at all – it’s just a convenient sex position. Sex reflects what’s happening in the rest of your relationship, and if you’re trying new things only because they’re what your husband wants, then you are being submissive whatever position you twist yourself into.